Taking a small break to breathe

February 11th, 2025 

Today, I took the day to clean the house while my husband is away. I usually do a refresh on Tuesdays instead of the weekend since we are all home, including our golden doodle. It's hard to exercise him in the winter, so we mostly just do potty breaks and play inside. I plan to increase my earnings with my business and write off certain items, like a baby gate and some toys for the dogs I board, but I really love house sitting the most. I enjoy seeing the pups and doing what I can to help families. So far, I’ve been distributing my business cards in more neighborhoods, which feels awkward at first. 

I have an in-person third-round interview coming up, but I am still traumatized by past jobs; I kind of just want to focus on growing my business instead. I might go to the interview if it’s not snowing, but honestly, dealing with the trauma of work is just not appealing.

Lately, it seems that my family life is improving, but I often feel conflicted. Whenever I lose my job, my family rallies around me, but when I'm employed, they sometimes call me a "big shot," which makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't believe I'm acting superior, but their reactions hurt, and it often feels like I have to fight just to engage in normal activities. While many kids had cars by 16, I had to beg for one and ended up purchasing my brother's old car. 

I sometimes sense favoritism in my family dynamics, or perhaps they just have their own quirks. My parents have been supportive in helping me build my small business, and I try my best to stay positive, but I still feel like I'm being treated like a child. It seems like they want me to rely on them more than I should.

As a member of a mixed-race family and being deaf, I navigate additional challenges, especially as a twin. Sometimes, it feels like I could write my own drama series. My parents are wonderful, and I love my brother, but I battle anxiety and insecurity that often make me question my feelings and leave me feeling stuck. At times, I wonder if there might be something more I need to understand about myself.



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